Do I belong?

Sometimes I want to stuff all of those feelings down

With sweets and fats and carbs

I want to smooth over the jagged edges with frosting

Maybe then they won’t hurt so much

Maybe if I coat everything in rich, luxurious frosting

I won’t feel the jagged edges

I won’t get hurt

I won’t cut myself on this terrain

Of my mind

If I numb it out

If I refuse to feel

Anything

Then i can’t feel the pain

 The loss

The insecurity

The wanting

The yearning for more.

Don’t yearn,

Don’t wonder,

Don’t think,

Don’t question.

Don’t think,

Don’t ask,

Just follow.

A crisis of my faith,

A crisis of my self.

I am growing out of this old self,

Molting my old self,

Emerging pink and new.

Exposed and vulnerable,

Shy and uncertain,

Will they like the new me?
Do I like the new me?

What am I for?
What am i foregoing?

And why?

And is that good?

I can’t just be told what to do anymore,

I long for the certainty i imagine others have,

Certain of their place,

Their role

Does everyone know their place but me?

Am i here?

Do i belong?

Will they have me?