To try
And then
To fail
Is not
The worst
Is not the end
To fail after trying is expected.
To quit after failing is tragic.
To try,
To fail,
To try,
To fail
That is the way to excellence
To try
to fail
to quit
That is the way to tragedy
Saturday, December 19, 2020
The Moon
I saw the moon rise
A cool, blue haze
Giving way to an electric white
like lightning frozen in time
shockingly bright
throwing shadows
across the earth
I marvel at the moon
how it receives the hot rays of the sun
And cools them to a startlingly blue
A stark reflection
illuminating the clouds and night sky
Another talk I wrote that I couldn't give because I felt like I was going to pass out.
Good afternoon brothers and sisters. I would like to begin by reading a few stanzas of the poem Pioneers! O Pioneers! by Walt Whitman
Come my tan-faced children,
Follow well in order, get your weapons ready,
Have you your pistols? have you your sharp-edged axes?
Pioneers! O pioneers!
For we cannot tarry here,
We must march my darlings, we must bear the brunt of danger,
We the youthful sinewy races, all the rest on us depend,
Pioneers! O pioneers!
O you youths, Western youths,
So impatient, full of action, full of manly pride and friendship,
Plain I see you Western youths, see you tramping with the foremost,
Pioneers! O pioneers!
Have the elder races halted?
Do they droop and end their lesson, wearied over there beyond the seas?
We take up the task eternal, and the burden and the lesson,
Pioneers! O pioneers!
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we take up the task eternal; to stand for truth and righteousness. Alma the elder challenged those who were about to join the church to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death. Our task in this life is to remain faithful to that which we were taught before we came to this earth. Alma also taught this life is a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God; a time to prepare for that endless state which has been spoken of by us, which is after the resurrection of the dead. The Lord revealed to Abraham the eternal nature of spirits. In Abraham 3 vs 24 we read and there stood one among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him; We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon these may dwell; And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them. Our life here on earth is a test; will we be faithful to the Lord? Will we do all things whatsoever the Lord God shall command us?
We can find strength in learning of others’ struggles and how they responded to the Lord’s command. Many of the early Latter-Day Saints were disowned by their families after being baptized into the church. My Grandma Jensen often told the story of her great grandfather Winger; who accepted the gospel as a young medical student in Norway. “He was immediately kicked out of medical school. He was called to serve a mission and spent the next five years doing missionary work in his homeland. Much of the time he was jailed and persecuted. One Christmas Eve, his mother came to the jail to bring him their traditional Christmas Eve feast of fish cakes. She cried and begged him to give up this strange new religion or she would be unable to see him again. He refused, and his weeping mother left the jail that night, never to see him again. In between his missionary service and his jail confinements, he learned to be a cobbler and saved enough money to come to America. On board ship, he married Anna Marie Salverson. She had been born into a wealthy family, had been educated in a fine needlework school for girls, had never known a hard day’s work in her life. When she accepted the gospel, she too was disowned by her family. She obtained employment and saved enough money to come to America, walked across the plains, helped her husband pioneer and settle in Cache valley in Hyrum. Her daughters were dressed in the finest dresses because of the needlework skills of their mother. She made many alter cloths for the Logan Temple.” Both of them gave up lives of comfort and security for unknown challenges and sure struggles. They took up the task eternal, they decided they would do all things the Lord commanded them.
I appreciate the example of my great great grandfather Winger. He had a career ahead of him and a family who loved him very much. But he sacrificed his plan for the Lord’s plan. I feel I have developed many of my own plans only to find out they were not according to the Lord’s plan for me. When facing adversity, I have often asked Why? Why do I suffer with this? Why would the Lord seemingly withhold blessings? As Whitman declared, O you youths, Western youths, So impatient, full of action, full of manly pride and friendship. My step-dad who I affectionately refer to as Dad-Del often counsels me to slip on my eternal glasses and recognize the Lord is seeing the whole picture of our progression whereas we only see the present. His encouragement to trust in the Lord still helps me change my plan when the Lord reveals His.
Elder Wirthlin relates his mother’s counsel at a time when he was discouraged after losing a football game. Joseph, she said, come what may and love it. Elder Wirthlin later taught the saints, learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others.
Because Jesus Christ suffered greatly, He understands our suffering. He understands our grief. We experience hard things so that we too may have increased compassion and understanding for others.
Elder Wirthlin counsels us to remember the sublime words of the Savior to the Prophet Joseph Smith when he suffered with his companions in the smothering darkness of Liberty Jail: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” With that eternal perspective, Joseph took comfort from these words, and so can we. Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome.
I’m sure many of the pioneers doubted their ability to continue across the plains to Zion. A sure testimony of the gospel kept them going with faith in every footstep.
Our trials are not eternal. Luckily, we are.
In Alma 36 vs 3 we read, Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.
For we cannot tarry here
We know this life is a part of our eternal existence. We can look forward to the day when our trials will end. Ether 12:4 wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God
All the rest on us depend
Before Helaman’s sons Nephi and Lehi went out on their missions, their father gave them this counsel:
“Behold, my sons, I desire that ye should remember to keep the commandments of God; and would that ye should declare unto the people these words. Behold, I have given unto you the names of our first parents who came out of the land of Jerusalem; and this I have done that when you remember your names ye may remember them; and when ye remember them ye may remember their works; and when ye remember their works ye may know how that it is said, and also written, that they were good.
“Therefore, my sons, I would that ye should do that which is good, that it may be said of you, and also written, even as it has been said and written of them” (Helaman 5:6–7).
When Helaman spoke these words, 500 years had passed away and they were still remembering Lehi and Nephi of old and what examples they were as the first prophets in the Book of Mormon; they were still naming their children after them because of their good example and their good works. Mervyn B. Arnold, “Make Your Life a Legacy,” New Era, Jun 2007, 40–43
We too can honor the legacy of those who have gone before us. My Grandma Jensen passed away last week. She left a legacy of faithfulness despite challenges, she took up the task eternal, and decided to do all things the Lord commanded her.
Have the elder races halted?
Do they droop and end their lesson, wearied over there beyond the seas?
We take up the task eternal, and the burden and the lesson,
Pioneers! O pioneers!
I bear testimony that our Savior is aware of us especially in times of trial. I know He can and will comfort us and help us bear the burdens or mortality and that if we are faithful, we will receive eternal blessings. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
My kids are like puppies
My kids are like puppies
Rolling
Giggling
Tickling
Wrestling
Trio of three
Rollicking
Tangle of arms and legs
Giggling crescendoes to a full roar
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
You are the best hair-brushing, throw up-cleaning, bum-wiping, diarrhea-scrubbing, baby-swaddling momma I’ve ever seen! I would like to present you with this award to showcase all of your accomplishments because the actual payoff of being such a dedicated and exceptional mom and wife is many, many, many years down the road. Your children are alive, you haven’t killed anyone, your house is still standing and you’re a great friend. These are amazing accomplishments and I would like to commemorate your efforts! Please accept this award on behalf of exhausted, overspent mothers everywhere.
Presented to Kelli Smith on this the 27th day of February 2013
With love, Chazlyn Robbins, a momma in training.
Missing Mom
I search for you
Looking in all the right places
But I don't find you
You are not here
Where you are?
I want to be where you are
I want to see your smile
And feel your arms encircle me
To lay my head on your shoulder
And know everything will be alright
To inhale and know you're really there
To see you look at me
And wipe away my tears
And tell me I am amazing.
I didn't believe you when you told me,
I thought you were supposed to say that,
I thought you were blinded by your love for me.
But now I crave it,
To know you are proud and pleased with me
To know my choices are right
And my actions are just.
That I am yours
And you are mine.
That no matter how far apart we are,
We belong to each other.
I carry a small part of you with me
I get it out and look at it sometimes,
Admire how lovely and true it is
And how well it fits just me and you.
Having a manual for someone
Having a manual for someone
If something isn't working then it's broken and it needs to be fixed.
People are not good at being who we want them to be, they are good at being themselves.
When people don't act like we want them to, we think they are wrong.
Your husband is not good at being you, he's being good at being him.
We punish ourselves with expectations. Stop trying to control other people.
Thanks Jody Moore, you’re amazing
https://jodymoore.com/
Sacrament talk I wasn't able to give because I got so light headed I had to sit down.
Good morning brothers and sisters. I am excited for the opportunity to speak to you today. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Chazlyn Robbins. I’m married to Tim, who is probably out in the foyer keeping our baby calm as this is her usual nap time. I am originally from Kaysville, UT. Tim and I met while attending Brigham Young University-Idaho. I was the forbidden freshman, he was the mature junior. We had several mutual friends who tried to set us up but I was writing to a missionary and Tim didn’t date freshman girls. Another year went by, and again several friends suggested we date. I had stopped writing my missionary and was now a sophomore, another year older and wiser too! We went out on what I thought were two great dates but Tim stopped calling and my roommates dutifully convinced me I was too good for him anyway. A couple of months later our paths crossed again and we decided to give it one more shot. Tim was a senior and on track to graduate in April and I was planning to move back home to Kaysville for the summer. I think the idea of moving to the dating wasteland of Great Falls, MT was motivation enough for Tim this time and after a few months of driving back and forth from Montana to Utah; we were engaged in August and sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on December 28th 2004. We moved to Great Falls in January of 2005 and we’ve been here for almost 7 years now. In May we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, we named her Hazel Anne Robbins. Welcoming Hazel into our family has been the most wonderful and the most challenging event of my life. Because of her smiles and giggles, her fuzzy head and her tiny toes, Tim and I are beginning to understand what it means to have joy and rejoicing in your posterity.
This month, the Stake Presidency has advised us to study the Christ-like attribute of gratitude. The Savior showed gratitude by devoting His life to teaching the gospel and serving others. In 3rd Nephi, the Savior commands us to be like Him. In response to the question What manner of men ought ye to be? He answered, Verily I say unto you, even as I am. We can follow the example of Jesus Christ by serving others as an expression of our gratitude to our Heavenly Father.
In the Book of Mormon, the prophet, historian Mormon tells us of King Benjamin, a holy man who reigned over his people in righteousness. In his old age, the King desires to confer the kingdom upon one of his sons. He asks his son Mosiah to make a proclamation to all the people in the kingdom so they will gather together at the temple to hear him pronounce Mosiah as his successor and to counsel his people to continue in righteousness. In his address, King Benjamin teaches that we can express our gratitude to God by serving our fellow man.
King Benjamin recounts how he has served the people and labored with his own hands not to boast of his greatness, but to teach his people that “when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God.” He reminds us that we are eternally indebted to our Heavenly Father, to render to Him all that we have and are. “I say unto you, my brethren, that God has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another.” From King Benjamin, we learn that everything we have is from God. “We all depend on the same Being, even God for all the substance which we have, for food , and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind.” He counsels us to express our gratitude to the Lord by serving those around us.
In a 1998 session of General Conference, Gordon T. Watts taught “The depth and the willingness with which we serve is a direct reflection of our gratitude.” We show our gratitude and love for the Lord by serving Him and keeping His commandments. We covenant to devote our time, talents and resources to the building up of the kingdom of God.
At one point, my motivation for serving the Lord was mainly to secure blessings from Him. In D&C 82:10, we learn that the Lord is bound when we do what He says. I know the Lord can only bless us when we are obedient to his commandments. I remember being frustrated when promised blessings were seemingly withheld even after I felt I was doing everything the Lord had asked of me. One night while talking to a friend about how angry I was that the Lord wasn’t holding up His end of the bargain after I had been righteous for so many years, she impressed upon me the importance of serving the Lord out of gratitude for all He has done for us. I remember saying “it isn’t fair for the Lord to keep these blessings from me when I have done all He has asked of me, I pay my tithing, I serve in my church calling, and I do temple work…she responded that isn’t why we do those things, we do those things because we love the Lord. We serve Him as an expression of our love and gratitude for our Savior and Redeemer. “Love for God includes devotion, adoration, reverence, tenderness, mercy, forgiveness, compassion, grace, service, gratitude, kindness.” Our love for God influences and affects every aspect of our lives. We show our love and gratitude to God by serving those around us. King Benjamin counseled his people to succor those that stand in need of your succor…adminster of your substance unto him that standeth in need…do not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain…impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief. Both spiritually and temporally according to their wants.
Mosiah 18:8-10 baptismal covenants mourn with those that mourn
Satan would have us believe we are on our own, accountable to no one. That all we do and are is here on this earth. The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches that we were created by an eternal and spiritual father who provided a way for us to not only return into His glorious presence, but to become like Him. We are not our own, for we have been bought with a price. Jesus Christ atoned for our sins and our infirmities that we might be healed and forgiven, made white in the blood of the Lamb. The greatest example of God’s love for his children is found in the infinite atonement of Jesus Christ.” We can show our gratitude for this divine gift by caring for others.
Stories from savior’s life of caring for others and expressing gratitude.
Testimony
This story must have
This story has to have:
A meet cute
They save each other
A courtship in an overcrowded city
Promises of green, lush escape
a train ride
A boat ride down the river
They are discovered.
A separation
Forced by adults
News of Jim being sent to the camp
Jim’s death
A grieving
An understanding grandmother
A healing
Another courtship
A realization
A confession
A shocked lover
An acceptance
A marriage and
A baby,
Gail.
Harrison
When two became three,
When us became we.
Rosebud lips pursed tight,
Chubby cheeks red and round.
Seashell ears and button nose.
A small swaddle,
A bundle of love.
Welcome to the world
Little one.
I’m so happy for the two of you and look forward to your new adventure.
A rolling hillside
I was a rolling hillside, verdant and green with gentle hills and soft valleys with small, delicate flowers scattered but no bushes, no trees to obstruct the view. Winter, Summer and Fall visited but Spring reigned for much of the time. Spring, with her warm sunshine and caressing breezes, carrying the promise and hope of beginnings, of potential Springs and of a fruitful life.
Then the landscape started to rumble, a stark contrast to the docile scene I had cultivated for so long.The rumble grew to a growl coming from deep within the earth subdued by turf and birdsong but unmistakable. Growling again and again until finally it split the ground, as I feared it would. The beast clawed its way to the surface. But I threw myself upon it, desperate to keep it from destroying my lovely land. I kept it down until the darkness finally crept away. I thought I had conquered it, that deepest darkness, but it had only receded to lick its wounds and wait until it grew stronger, meaner, nastier. And when it came again I tried and tried and tried to be ok, to not feel, to not despair until it was upon me. Screaming so loudly I could no longer hear the birds, could not smell the fragrant flowers or feel the warm sunshine, all I could do was scream back and cover my ears and curl into a small ball and pray for help. It tormented me, that scream, that cruel, high scream only I could hear and it drove me to panic. Panic that it would get out and devastate the scene of my life, it would torment others as it had tormented me and I couldn’t let that happen. It demanded a sacrifice and I would bravely have been the one to relieve the torment, the anguish of this darkness.
Then I heard a voice and felt a hand and was saved by the people I was desperate to protect. They didn’t see it, this snarling beast of darkness, they were not afraid. I didn’t need to save them, they were already safe. They needed to save me, to wrestle me from the grips of this lying, dirty Darkness. And they did, they stayed with me, they held my hand, stroked my hair and promised that their Love would save me. They promised brighter days and turned my thoughts towards happier times when the darkness wasn’t so daunting. They promised it would get better. And I believed them and hung on.
Then I met the Excavator and he told me that the badness was not mine, He argued and reasoned and promised to help me. We explored the landscape gingerly, searching softly for where the darkness had retreated because it was still there and the Excavator promised we could unearth it slowly and seeing it would make it less awful. I refused, determined to kill it on my own. I would be the sacrifice the Beast would demand and I wouldn’t risk anyone else getting hurt. But He said it didn’t hurt him, He had met the darkness, spoken with it even and I could too. He promised seeing it would be better than keeping it hidden.
So we explored until we found a boulder, not a very interesting looking boulder but out of place on my lovely hillside. It was next to a rocky field I knew about but hadn’t visited frequently because it was uncomfortable going, it was hard to climb over all those rocks and I preferred to stay in my lovely valley not concerned about what was beyond. But that boulder throbbed with red hot pain when I touched it and I retreated and he told me it would hurt and we would go gently but it must come out, it was the darkness hiding and it was holding me hostage with it’s threat and it’s gnawing sounds. So I started to dig and it hurt and the more I dug the more it hurt until I had laid bare the boulder and it was monumental. Excavating that boulder turned so much of my beautiful landscape to barren, scorched earth, it ached like a burning deep inside and I was wounded and stripped bare and then I saw it, I saw the darkness was just hiding in the deep, dark well that the boulder had been nested in. It was there crouching and taunting me that it would never go away unless I went with it. But once the boulder was out the Excavator broke it into a million pieces, pieces so small they were no longer fatal.
But my landscape was no longer verdant and fruitful. It was desolate and burning with shame and pain. Bare earth exposed by digging and by the fire that raged. Stark, lifeless desolation was my new home but I waited, I had waited before, I could wait again. And Time passed and the earth was quenched, not immediately or all together but small areas of pain began to ease slightly. Sexual healing, confession, love as tender and kind as a sapling but strong and resilient. That love was still mine, it would grow even in the vast emptiness that had become my land. And bit by bit I healed; cool relief came in sprinkles of rain and gusts of wind. Grass began to grow again across my hillside.
Now I have another rocky place but I am not afraid to go there because it is mine. I know the landscape, I know the pitfalls and the guides who will help me not get stuck there but to continue on in my journey to explore this lovely place I call my mind.
Friday, December 18, 2020
My Aunt Malinda
Malinda,
to me you are
the smell of warm homemade rolls
fresh from the oven.
You are the Allreds with quiet John
and the Hansens with boisterous Hiedi
and my smart mom.
You are Eric and Amy and Jaron and Dallin.
You are Grandma Lewis but taller
You share Grandpa Gary’s sparkling blue eyes.
Malinda,
To me you are
cousin parties on Sundays,
Camping in the Uintas.
Basketball games,
baseball games,
And a warm soft hug from Amy.
Malinda,
you are
steady and strong,
loving and kind,
stalwart and firm.
You are woven into the tapestry of life.
And you always will be.
You have taught me
how to show love with a smile,
how to encourage and support
quietly and steadily.
Tuesday, December 8, 2020
Forward
I'm walking forward.
Thoughts, memories, feelings
all swirl around me in colors
some bold, some soft
some cruel, some kind.
There is room for them all
in my awareness.
But they are not who I am
they are particles
floating around me.
I am walking forward.
My gait is relaxed, my knees are bent
my hand is open
I have a backpack because I am prepared
ready for the future
I am walking forward
Friday, August 7, 2020
Coronavirus: What will our legacy be?
A cursory Google search on August 7th 2020 reports 19 million cases of corona virus worldwide and 712,000 deaths. In the United States 4.9 million cases have been reported and 162,000 deaths. These statistics have driven social change and unrest, the bankruptcy of many businesses, travel restrictions and compulsory face mask mandates. These closures and mandates have resulted in record unemployment levels and the biggest recession in the history of the United States. To some, this situation seems catastrophic and unprecedented, but this isn’t the first time the US has confronted fatal threats and responded with personal sacrifice for the greater good and the promise of a better future. Just over a hundred years ago the United States sent 4 million active duty officers to serve in the conflict notoriously known as The Great War or World War I. The US involvement in WWI resulted in 116,516 casualties. Perusing these numbers lead to the realization that as a nation we have suffered more casualties from corona virus in approximately eight months than we did fighting in a world war over the space of four years. Now, I’m no expert, but that seems noteworthy.
Our fight against corona virus has more similarities to WWI than just statistics. The threat of unrestricted submarine warfare drew people together in the early 1900's leading to collaboration among foreign nations; we too must work together to collectively address the threat of corona virus. The upsetting of normal life and future plans is not unique to our generation either. In harrowing numbers the soldiers in WWI gave their lives in the fight against German aggression, their plans for college, marriage and independence were thwarted, businesses and universities were faced with financial ruin as war played out on a global stage. Today we must also sacrifice for the greater good of humanity but we do it by wearing masks and social distancing. We limit our freedoms to provide future freedom for others.
Now that we know we’re not the only ones who have ever faced a global catastrophe, we can draw strength from those who were strong before. When uncertainty and fear reigned, they responded with service. How will we respond?
Sources
https://fas.org/sgp/crs/natsec/RL32492.pdf
https://www.cnn.com/2013/07/09/world/world-war-i-fast-facts/index.html
https://www.livescience.com/covid-19-did-not-start-at-wuhan-wet-market.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_isn%27t_free
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)