Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Your past is just a story

I read this quote recently and it was very comforting to me. This perspective helps me separate my present self from things that I have gone through in the past. My past is not me, it shapes me in some ways but mostly I feel bigger than my past; taller, stronger and more than I was. Having gone through three bouts of postpartum depression, I can now say with a huge sigh of relief that I am well again. Tim gave me a priesthood blessing a few years ago wherein I was promised I would soon be well and better than I'd ever been. At the time I was scared of this pronouncement, scared of the pressure of getting better and being better than I'd ever been. I had no idea how I was going to make that happen. I could barely function let alone work out my mental health issues. Now I know, I didn't make it happen. I essentially held on and put my trust in God. He made me better, stronger, more than I was. People around me were His hands in serving me and my children, my husband.
It is with huge relief and a sense of accomplishment that I can now say I am well. I am strong and happy, sometimes giddy with happiness at my wonderful life. I am healthy, my children are well and happy, my husband is loving and good, I am surrounded by wonderful people. All of my needs are met and most of my wants as well. I feel fulfilled and content in my roles as mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend. I just wanted to reassure all who read my blog that I am not still struggling in the ways I often write about. I am more than postpartum depression and more than mental illness and if you or someone you know is suffering from one or both of these issues, take courage! You too can be better than you've ever been.