I Love

I'm noticing my blog is a lot about my struggles and frustrations with motherhood and in an effort to obtain equilibre, I wanted to post some of the things I love about being a mommy to my two girls.
I love...
gummy grins in the morning,
being greeted by shrieks of delight,
sweet snuggles,
kissing chubby cheeks,
being bowled over by a toddler hug,
sisters giggling in the backseat,
singing "Once there was a snowman" every night,
kissing teeny, tiny toes
a look of concentration on such a small person's face,
and being their one and only mommy.

Vanquishing the Beast

I AM VICTORIOUS! My home is in order for possibly the first time in months. The floors are swept AND vacuumed, all surfaces are dust-free, my counter tops are gleaming and the toys are all neatly tucked away on shelves. Although, even as I type this I scan the room and see wilted florescent balloons left over from a party last week that most certainly do not belong in my living room. Sigh. Does anyone else feel like they are waging a war against some evil force within their abode that maliciously and consistently spews out clutter, dirt and dust? Sometimes my efforts seem comical, like trying to keep a boat afloat that has sprung numerous leaks, but I am happy to say that through sheer determination and pressing circumstances, my house is now CLEAN.
A plus of trying desperately to sell our house and move is that we often get calls from Realtors requesting a walk-through with prospective buyers. We usually know a day in advance but there's nothing like a last minute call to get us motivated and focused on getting our house in Better Homes and Gardens condition. After all, if we can make these people love our house, we can move and be together as a family again and I no longer have to function as a single parent of small children.
So we got a call asking if some people could come by in about an hour and a half. Luckily both girls were still resting so Tim and I started tidying the house, it wasn't that bad. But the more tidying we did the more we saw how much cleaning needed to be done. So we kicked it into overdrive and dusted, scrubbed, wiped, and cleared kitchen, family room, 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Whew! I knew we were getting a little stressed when I got after Tim for scrubbing a sink I had previously cleaned and he shut down my attempts to vacuum. We pulled out of the driveway, both babies in tow, exactly 1 minute before the prospective home-buyers were to arrive. After congratulating ourselves on a job adequately done, I resolved to do some deeper cleaning when we returned so we could be more prepared for the next time. Although I am currently enjoying my clean home, I anxiously look forward to settling into our next home and enjoying our privacy and cleaning at a more leisurely pace.

Pokemon

For those of you who aren't familiar with Pokemon, they are Japanese anime characters with special powers. If you are so inclined, you can find out more about them from Wikipedia here. Because video games often require a lot of spatial awareness, of which I have very little, I'm not really familiar with the Pokemon franchise itself but I do know the point of a Pokemon game is to collect a certain number of pocket monsters who each have distinct special powers. Collecting a unique array of these Pokemon helps you complete a specific task.
My interest in Pokemon was piqued while watching an episode of 30 Rock. Jack is explaining to Liz that he is much happier divorced than he was married. He says he realized he was expecting too much of one woman; that there isn't one woman who has all the traits, characteristics, experience, etc. that he needs. Jack feels he is better off having a different woman for each of his distinct interests. He has a woman he takes to black tie events, a woman who is informed about politics, a woman he takes to visit his mother, a different woman to fulfill each of his unique needs. Of course, I disagree with this principle as it applies to romantic relationships, I am very happily married to one amazing man, but I agree with Jack when it comes to friendships. I'm realizing I was erroneously expecting to have all of my emotional, spiritual, intellectual and creative needs fulfilled from just a handful of people. I would actually get jealous when I heard of their escapades with other friends! I don't have other friends, why should they? Am I not enough? Well, the answer to that is yes, I'm not enough friend for any one person. Instead of expecting to be able to do everything that interests me with a select 4 or 5 people, I'm realizing I will be much happier if I Pokemon friends. Find a person who shares my interest in politics, find another who shares my affinity for reading, another who sews, one who blogs, one who enjoys Zumba, the possibilities are endless. This sounds so simplistic as I type it but it really has been a game changer in my relationships lately. In the past I have felt let down by people who weren't exactly like me in every way. Like I really could only be friends with myself and everyone else was a compromise. But I am now realizing that there are many facets of my life and it is very realistic and healthy to find and cultivate relationships with others who share a specific interest. She may not be a voracious reader like me but maybe she has an incredible green thumb. He might not want to watch educational documentaries on Netflix but he has great ideas about current events. How wonderfully unique and special each person is and what an opportunity I have in meeting more people to see what common interests or ideas we share and how I can learn from their experiences. I think the value in friendship is seeing a small part of yourself reflected back in another person. (Emphasis on small, there's no one else like me.)

equilibre

I just finished reading Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman and I'm pretty sure I was born in the wrong country; I'm really a french woman at heart. I share the french affinity for pastries, gourmet meals, looking fashionable, and eating whole foods. After reading this book, I've realized I also parent like the french. According to Druckerman, the french believe children should be limited by a very strict set of rules the "cadre" or frame of morals, obligations and courtesies of society, but within this framework children can enjoy abundant freedoms. I also respect children as little people, much like Dr. Seuss I believe "a person's a person no matter how small" and that the easiest way to teach children respect is to be respectful of them. This doesn't mean that I give in to my children's every whim. The french expect children will do betises or small acts of naughtiness, which don't necessarily warrant punishment. Also french parents don't give in to a child's caprice or impulsive demands, tears and whining.
What I am struggling with is finding the equilibre or balance that french parents seem to be able to obtain. Not letting any one aspect of life--including parenthood--overwhelm the rest. How do I parent 2 babies, support my husband in his career, keep our home clean, the laundry done, cook nutritious meals and still manage to write, exercise, and shower everyday? I'm NOT looking for sympathy, I know moms that soothingly tell me I don't have to do all those things, it's ok to stay in my sweats all day every day for the next 10 years. But letting myself be a slouchy mess is not how I envisioned motherhood. Learning about how the french parent has encouraged me to take care of myself as well as I take care of my babies. I may not have an amazing creche (a full-time French day care center complete with a gourmet chef, a college-educated staff and weekly visits from a pediatrician) but I do have supportive and helpful family and friends to help me achieve this equilibre between being a mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, writer and a sane person.