I just finished reading Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman and I'm pretty sure I was born in the wrong country; I'm really a french woman at heart. I share the french affinity for pastries, gourmet meals, looking fashionable, and eating whole foods. After reading this book, I've realized I also parent like the french. According to Druckerman, the french believe children should be limited by a very strict set of rules the "cadre" or frame of morals, obligations and courtesies of society, but within this framework children can enjoy abundant freedoms. I also respect children as little people, much like Dr. Seuss I believe "a person's a person no matter how small" and that the easiest way to teach children respect is to be respectful of them. This doesn't mean that I give in to my children's every whim. The french expect children will do betises or small acts of naughtiness, which don't necessarily warrant punishment. Also french parents don't give in to a child's caprice or impulsive demands, tears and whining.
What I am struggling with is finding the equilibre or balance that french parents seem to be able to obtain. Not letting any one aspect of life--including parenthood--overwhelm the rest. How do I parent 2 babies, support my husband in his career, keep our home clean, the laundry done, cook nutritious meals and still manage to write, exercise, and shower everyday? I'm NOT looking for sympathy, I know moms that soothingly tell me I don't have to do all those things, it's ok to stay in my sweats all day every day for the next 10 years. But letting myself be a slouchy mess is not how I envisioned motherhood. Learning about how the french parent has encouraged me to take care of myself as well as I take care of my babies. I may not have an amazing creche (a full-time French day care center complete with a gourmet chef, a college-educated staff and weekly visits from a pediatrician) but I do have supportive and helpful family and friends to help me achieve this equilibre between being a mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, writer and a sane person.
1 comment:
I liked your post, I had a few thoughts! First, I think it's wonderful that you recognize the importance of taking some time for yourself and your spouse separate from your children. I think that's one reason a lot of marriages have problems after kids--both parents lose connection with themselves and each other, and eventually grow to resent one another for it. That being said, it's obviously not easy to do! I think communication is huge. Some nights, after being home alone with the baby all day, I just tell my husband that I NEED an hour alone! Just a chunk of time where I can decompress and know that for that one hour, no one can reach me! I also like what you said about not wanting to spend every waking moment in your sweats--agreed! Some days I do, but I try to get dressed, do my hair, and put on makeup at least a few days a week, even if I'm not going anywhere special! It's important to me to still feel like a girl sometimes! Just remember you're doing the most important thing you could possibly be doing; raising your children in a loving home! You're building the foundation for the rest of their lives, they're lucky to have you. But you deserve to take care of yourselves and have other take care of you, don't be afraid to ask for help from friends!
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