What Women Want

All I want from life is to be a gourmet chef, dress like a supermodel (look like a supermodel), live in a home featured in Pottery Barn, exercise and eat well, have a sizzling romance with my hubby, educate my children and keep them happy and safe and if they someday win the Pulitzer or something equally prestigious, that would be just gravy. Also, I want to be kind and serve others, study my scriptures and understand eternal truths. I never want to get mad or yell at my husband or my kids, and my nails should be perfectly manicured all the time. Wow, that sure sounds boring huh?
If I was this pseudo-woman, I'm not sure what I would do all day. I'd be like the Stepford Wives, all functional and perfectly robotic. Who wants that? Maybe there is happiness in a messy, mixed-up existence. Right now I'm sitting in my parent's house typing on my laptop that, thanks to certain chubby baby fingers, is missing numerous keys, causing me to stamp my pinkie every time I type a P. whew! That's a workout. My pinkie will be as big as my thumb by the time I finish this post. I have a slight headache because I probably didn't drink enough water today. I have spit-up on my shirt and my pants, my makeup is running under my eyes and my mom's house looks like I brought 3 dressers worth of clothes with me and just threw them with reckless abandon. The l key appears to not be working either! Life is exhausting!

Adults Only

Why is it that "adult rated" things are often lewd and obscene? For instance...a person posted some swear words on a Facebook page of which I am a member. My comment was something like "keep your language clean please;" they responded by saying "We're all adults here, what's the big deal?" Afraid I might be opening a can of worms, I simply responded "Being an adult does not entitle a person to use foul and offensive language." Thankfully, that's where it ended, no Facebook feuds for me (yet). Also, I recently started reading The Casual Vacancy, J.K. Rowling's debut adult novel. I absolutely loved the Harry Potter series so I was very excited to read her newest work. Not 5 pages into it I encounter a graphic description of a woman's breasts! Really? Come on J.K. how does knowing this further the plot? Or enhance the story? Couldn't you have just said she was beautiful? or attractive? Really, I can think of about 20 other characteristics/euphemisms that could have been used in place of this off-putting depiction. As a competent, mature adult, I am always in search of books, movies, entertainment that is uplifting, that furthers my knowledge and understanding of the world and other people. Keep your 50 Shades of Gray and The Edge of Never, I'm going back to the kid's section.

Leave it on the doorstep and get the heck outta here!

i need a sign like this to hang on my door when I am home but disinclined to open the door.  Between cellphones and the internet, i think people are too used to others being available to them at all times. A few nights ago i was in the throes of bedtime with my babies. It looked a little something like this: one baby crying because she was tired and needed a diaper change but i didn't want to change her until i got the tub ready so i could just bath her and then get her jammies on, and the other was crying because she is growing 4 very pointy teeth and consequently can't emotionally handle anything. Oh and we were out of Advil. (i really sound like a great mom, i know) So here i am wishing i had 8 arms so i could simultaneously turn on the bath, check the water, change 2 diapers and cuddle both crying babies when someone knocks at my door. i wasn't expecting anyone, it was dark and i was home alone so i ignored it thinking if they know me or this is an emergency, i will get a call on my cell phone. (Thankfully, the door was locked.) Well, he or she was not to be ignored. i counted 3 thundering knocks and 2 blaring doorbell rings! Apparently this person really wanted my attention despite the obvious cries and wails coming from my home. By then there was no way i was going to answer that door crying babies aside. i don't believe i could have possibly been any more anxiously engaged and answering the door was not high up in my priorities, something's gotta give right? Especially at bedtime after a long and exhausting day! So if you ever chance to knock upon my door and i don't immediately answer...wait 2 or 3 minutes and then give up! Sometimes i am just not available! i'll just have to get back to you say in 18 or 20 years when i can handle more than just raising and rearing 2 babies. Until then...leave it on the doorstep and get the heck outta here!

body language ha!

Today as I was attempting to stuff my post-baby body into "pop jeans" at the store, it occurred to me that women need better role models. Who really wants to look like those models in advertisements? OK  I do; I'll admit. I would love to be super skinny and tan and have glowing skin and long luscious hair but at what cost? Do any of these young radiant models have small children at home? Do they have laps that fit crying toddlers and arms that snuggle newborn babes? When I start to beat myself up about not having chiseled abs or a butt you could bounce quarters off of, I want to remember that right now I have the perfect body for  being a mommy and wife to my family. I have arms that lift and encircle, I have intellect that teaches good behavior and corrects bad, I have eyes that discern possible dangers for small beings and I love being their everything. So what if I look ridiculous in skinny jeans (think Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum), I sure can rock a white fluffy robe.