new baby

When two became three,

When we became us.

Rosebud lips pursed tight,

Chubby cheeks, red and round.

Seashell ears and button nose.

A small swaddle,

A bundle of love.

Welcome to the world

Little one.

come as you are

Come as you are

In pantsuits and heels,

In uniforms with radios and motorcycle boots

Armed or broken,

Straight or queer

Faces masked, or naked

Tennis shoes once white,

Now grubby and scuffed from soccer games and playgrounds

Sweaters or suits,

Belts or bowties.

Come as you are

Dresses, skirts or pants or both.

Bedhead, bad breath, and sickly sweet perfume.

Dirty hands and wrinkled shirts,

Come as you are.

Sinners and saints, we are all the same

Before our Gods in heaven.

echoes

Echoes of our lives

The music,

The repetition

The renewing of words,

Of promises and comfort

Of restoration

Renewal return

Of peace and comfort

Of renewal and restoration

Their voices echo

From the past

The echoes bring me

Comfort and strength

Like it did them

From the voices and echoes

Before them

The strength cascades

Toward me

From them

It buoys me up

We are together

Soaring towards

Exhalation

Towards renewal

Returning

To Their Heavenly home.

Elizabeth Odell

Elizabeth Odell

Flat outstretched upon a mound

Of earth I lie; I press my ear

Against its surface and I hear

Far off and deep, the measured sound

Of heart that beats within the ground.

And with it pounds in harmony

The swift, familiar heart in me.

They pulse as one, together swell,

Together fall; I cannot tell

My sound from earth’s, for I am part

Of rhythmic, universal heart.

Primitive peoples respect for Nature and Mother Earth as quoted by Weston A Price in Nutrition and Physical Degeneration.

feeling powerless and small

Feeling powerless and small

Soft and vulnerable

Who are you to succeed

When do many others have failed

But have they failed?

Did they further the cause of equal rights?

Yes

See it as a great work

A labor in the vineyard

Rather than a goal

A finish line

Toil

Labor

Struggle

These efforts develop character

These strains create muscles

I don't have to overthrow thousands of years of oppression

I just need to learn about it myself

To see the strings and binds and cages that have been woven and closed around me

I first need to free myself

Then freeing others will be come naturally

I feel sad and weak and vulnerable

Open and weeping

Raw and excavated

I hear the stifling of my sister's

Their choking

Their straining

Against unjust bonds

I feel their collective agony and oppression

Their frustration

Things are not as they should be

It should not be this way

I feel wounded

Trodden down

Pushed down

Oppressed

The devil

Whispers in my ear

That is what you deserve

That is what you get

For leaving the garden,

For tempting Adam

You threw it all away

For curiosity

For wonder

For a possibility

But you could never have anticipated

How awful it could be

How terrible I could make your life

I have used every means available to me

To crush you

To wound you

To grind you and bind you

Stuff you in a cage

Silence you

Rape you

I have taken everything from you

And yet,

Here I am

Despite decades of oppression

Despite thousands of voices

Discounting me

Drowning me

Dismissing me

You're crazy!

You're being too sensitive!

Don't be so emotional!

Calm down!

Don't get so worked up!

You're not in your right mind.

Despite layers and layers of oppression,

I feel the whispers

The faintest breath

Which tells me you're still alive

Deep, down, under all of that

You're still divine

They haven't been able to crush you, to obliterate you

They have only been able to shroud you

To wrap you up in so many layers

Layers of shame and brokenness

Wickedness and deceit

But they cannot snuff you out

Because you are divine

You are eternal

And nobody can take that away from you

The life and divinity

The spark of hope and joy

It cannot be extinguished

It is

I am that I am

My light will never go out

Though it may be shuttered

Though the winds of oppression blow

My light remains

Burning ever brighter

The contempt and shame 

You pile upon me

Only serves as fuel for my all consuming fire

I will burn

I will burn

I will burn

Eternally

And your false labels

They will be my fuel

The fuel that I will use to burn it all down

Fire will cleanse

Me,

The world,

And you.

You and all of your false priests and dogma

Will be consumed

By my fire of rage

All that's left will be purified 

By my fire

Sanctified

You think you can fool me?

No, you are the fool

For thinking I would not fight back

Bury me, oppress me, lie to me

But I already know

You can't unsee what you've seen

I know there's more to me than anything you've said or done

I feel it

Deep, deep down

In the most basic and primitive parts of me

Is a tigress

Crouching

Bound and bleeding

But her heart is still beating

Beating with power 

Beating down through the generations of women

We share that collective heartbeat

It calls us

It reminds us

Who we really are

And we're coming

For you

Suffocating

Feeling the feels right now

I will never be enough

These needs will never be met

I will never get to rest

Where am I

Who am I

Do I only exist to fill the needs of others

I need a break

I need to get the hell out of here

I need some time to myself

Some time to think and process and breathe

I have needs too

And I'm the only one who can meet them

Grandma and Grandpa Hansen

Grandma and Grandpa Hansen

Pancake breakfast on the fourth of july

Washing windows with old garment tops

Whiskery kisses and big bear hugs

Driver's ed and English classes

Stuffed animals under the tree

Light the world

And funny stories after Sunday dinner

Thick, dark hair tickling my face as I rode behind grandma on the four wheeler

Rodeo

Playing tag and hide and go seek in their yard

Great grandma Sybil and great grandpa Keith

Cousins

Toys under the stairs

Sparkling blue eyes

And dancing dark brown ones

Lipstick and mustache wax

Strong hands and arms that held me tight

Sure love ya!

Baseball caps and wranglers

Leather working and family history

Reading about a teenage Gary and young Hans

The only hell his mama ever raised

My grandma and my grandpa

Grief comes in spurts

Grief comes in spurts

Hands clasped in greeting

Now solemnly folded in death

A loss in increments

Tiny breaking pieces

Separations of what was whole

Is now torn apart

Loss of moments

Moments of connection

Nods and smiles

I carry two secrets

I carry two secrets wrapped deep inside me

Carefully swaddled in confusion

To soften the sharp edges

To protect those I love

From being ripped, from being pierced

By the truth I hold

I hold it tight

My fist wrapped round

No one will see it

It will not be found

My fingers flex over it

Keeping it safe

But inside, in the fleshy parts of my hands

It tears, it slices, it cuts deep

I bear down against the pain

I hold fast the shards

They will never escape

I will never let go

This dangerous, destructive thing

Must not escape

It will create

Havoc and harm

It is dangerous and bad

I must not let it go,

So I grit my teeth

And bear down harder

On the knives, the shards, the cuts

oF truth, Of this secret harm that was done to me

Tears run rivers down my face

As I struggle to keep it contained

I can’t

I can’t fight anymore

I can’t keep it from getting out

I..I..I have to let go or it will kill me

I will not! I yell defiantly,

I will not let it out,

It will kill, It will cut

I will kill myself to keep it

From hurting anyone else

I will die,

I will thrust it deep within my heart

Surrounded by the fleshy tablets

I will wrestle it over the cliff with me

And falling

We will both be in oblivion

Never more.