If you haven't heard Jim Gaffigan's stand up routine Mr. Universe, open a new tab on your web browser and watch it right now. It's hilarious and will make you laugh out loud. My favorite part is when he talks about McDonalds and the shame we associate with eating at McDonalds. We all know that kind of food is bad for us, you've probably even seen some documentary with horrific footage of the animals used to make McDonald's food, I know I have. And yet, they stay in business. Well, this post isn't a tirade against fast food, it's a call to self reflection and acceptance of others. As Jim points out (of course we're on a first name basis, he's one of my many parenting coaches) we all have a McDonald's, something we know we should be better at or shouldn't do but we do it all the same. In the workout regime, P90X, Tony Horton refers to difficult moves as "what I currently struggle with" and never "what I can't do." I have found these two mindsets to be incredibly enlightening. Everybody's bad at something, something big, something small, something embarrassing, something they don't do well and wish they could do better at. I struggle with mental illness, it's my McDonald's. When I go to my psychiatrist's office, I try not to make eye contact with anybody, try to be covert like maybe I'm a functioning adult after all and I just wandered in here on accident looking for a heart-attack inducing cheese burger. Because there are still so many unknowns about mental illness and it's effects on people's lives. That is why I decided to write this post. To "come out of the closet" essentially. Post-partum depression is my McDonld's. It's what I "currently struggle with." But I'm coming to realize we all have something. My grandpa always says "every saint has a story." It isn't shameful to struggle with an issue, it isn't demeaning or even uncommon to not be good at everything. My mom always admonishes me, "you can't be perfect yet, I'm not ready for you to go to heaven." I think in a Christian culture we often get the message to be like Christ, essentially to be perfect. Well I think that is an incorrect interpretation of what God really wants for us. He wants us to become like Him. Russel M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints, gave this message entitled "perfection pending" in 1995. I don't remember who brought it to my attention but I will be forever grateful to that person because I feel this is an answer to a problem I have struggled with for a long time. And realizing that no one expects me to be perfect, that it's normal and even good for me to have my McDonald's has been incredibly liberating. Now it seems so simple, of course I'm not good at everything and pretending to be only brings shame, dishonesty and isolation. I really do want to have it all together, I thrive on order and predictability and feeling like I do a "good job." My love language might be "words of affirmation," because I love hearing or feeling like I did something right I was dependable, reliable, organized, prepared, efficient, I proved myself that I'm worthy to be your friend, to be her teacher or his mother, like I'm worth something, I matter. And I think we all want to matter. Everybody wants to know they matter to somebody. That somebody feels their absence and longs for their return. In the 2004 movie about Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon, they learn being married means having a witness, a witness to your life, your big moments as well as your day to day happenings. This rings true to me, being in any relationship means you are seen for who you are, for real, the good, the bad and the in between. Someone knows me, really knows me. And you can't really know someone until you know their McDonald's. My therapist has helped me realize that in a relationship we are vulnerable and it is through that vulnerability that we build trust. Giving someone the opportunity to ridicule you and having them respond with love builds lasting bonds between people. As I struggle to manage my post-partum depression and make new friends in a new place and build a house and be a wife and mother to my family, it's a relief to acknowledge that I'm not good at everything, in fact I really stink at some things and that's ok and even healthy, that everybody needs you to cut them some slack so they'll understand when it's your turn and that being real and raw with people often builds wonderful relationships. The squeals from the girls' rooms are my signal that nap time is over and so is my alone time. This is a long, tangle of a post but that's why my blog is entitled "roughewn." I would like to return to this idea and develop some more thoughts I have. I'd also like your input, what's your McDonald's? What helps you remember to accept other people? and to accept yourself? The student in me will include an unofficial works cited here:
Jim Gaffigan McDonald's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YDTfEhChgw
P90X http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/p90x.do
"Perfection Pending" by Russel M. Nelson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3QtkeYoKeE
Shall We Dance http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0358135/
