we're clan people

my therapist recently pointed out that humans have always lived in groups: clans, families, villages, societies, gangs, etc. she reassured me that we need each other, we always have and most likely always will. as individuals we need to be with other people. I have been blessed to have an amazing extended family that has always been very supportive, kind, encouraging and just everything you'd ever want from cousins, aunts & uncles, grandmas & grandpas, parents and siblings. i didn't realize how much i relied on them until i moved 500 miles away. now my husband and i are all alone without any of that support. no one to have sunday dinner with, no one to call when we get locked out of the house, no one to visit us when we get sick, no one. so i asked my therapist if i would be happier, healthier, more complete and well if i lived closer to my extended family. she said either that or cultivate those types of relationships where you live. i'm realizing that everybody needs somebody they can call in the middle of the night for help and that somebody doesn't have to be a blood relative. i thought it would be imposing to call upon a friend in a time of need because friends are for fun, family is for hard times. and i think it probably used to be that way but now that people move for jobs and school and finances and just because they want to, it's getting less and less common to live in the same town you were born in or even in the same state as your parents. but we are not getting more independent. it's not as if we no longer need the support a family gives, we're just recreating those relationships in other ways. i used to not understand and even criticize people who were friends with their coworkers. i didn't understand the desire some people have to hang out or socialize outside of work. i barely knew my coworkers and i already had my support group thank you. i didn't need anyone else because i have a whole gaggle of peeps in my hometown that think i am amazing and would do anything for me. well, that's great unless you need someone right here right now. so i'm realizing everybody needs relationships with people who are like them and people who aren't. i have some good friends who are just like me in a lot of ways and i'm starting to see the value in having friends who aren't like me, who maybe are in a different phase of life than i am so they can offer some perspective on my day to day disappointments, some who help me branch out and try new things, maybe even some who bug me sometimes. it's important to interact, socialize, compromise and have experiences with other people and to build relationships with lots of people. my mom used to always tell me there's enough love to go around, you don't have to be stingy with it. and i am, i'm kind of a love-snob. but i'm thinking it would be good for me and for my family to work on cultivating the same types of relationships i enjoy with my family members, in people that live closer to us. i've noticed in television shows like Parks and Recreation or The Office that there is a lot of interaction between characters  that remind me of a family. further reflecting the idea that having those types of relationships are important. not to say that family is not important but again, i think we thrive on relationships and if our family members don't live close enough to support us in our day to day lives, it's important to have friends who will. everybody needs a gregarious aunt in their life, a kind sister, a silly brother, and a concerned grandma. when we aren't close enough to lean on each other, we can find those roles in the people around us. such a comforting thought.

it takes a village

sometimes i resent getting help from others. i have lived far away from my family throughout most of my adult life (not their fault at all, they are all awesome) and i am realizing i have been limiting myself by not accepting or allowing help from others. i have thought that by accepting help from others i will somehow negate the love or care or concern my family has for me. or that it is unfair or that i am not being loyal to my family if i accept service or kindness from other people. serving was something you did to people who didn't have strong, supportive extended families and i had one so i was good, i didn't need anything else and i didn't want anyone to worry about me. i would even cringe when our bishop would ask how we were doing because i knew he had so many people to worry about, i didn't want him to think he had to worry about us too. we're fine, always fine, never worry, never wonder, just assume we're fine. we'll, sometimes we're not fine and that's normal and healthy and to be expected. sometimes i need to be rescued just like everybody else and that doesn't make me weak or inferior or unrighteous, just human. i am realizing to embrace my humanity and  relish in the love and service that can come from others when you really just need help to make it through the day. and realizing that everybody gets there. everyone has or will see that point in their life when they realize the value and importance of having real, loving people around them. i am thankful for all the real, loving people in my life, near and far, who have helped me stay sane, safe, and happy. i seriously wouldn't be here without all of you.