autumn

Stunning sunlight
cool crisp air
dazzling colors
everywhere
leaves are crunching
babies squealing
running through swirls of red and yellow
orange and blue
autumn is everywhere

swede

impossibly small
delicately made
tiny toes
rosebud lips
dark fuzzy hair
sleepy squeaks
unbelievably vulnerable and delicate
welcome to our family Swede Catherine

happiness

When depression overwhelms me, I want to fling the feelings away, splatter droplets of sorrow all around me. Melancholy pours out of me like a river damned only by the passing of time. I'm frightened of drowning in the deluge and think to warn others to seek higher ground before they are inundated with the seemingly endless flow of sadness that surrounds me.
But when I find happiness I want to hold it close, savoring the feeling, breathing it in, embracing the joy, wrapping myself in warmth and light. I relish the sensation and roll around in it, bliss soothing my battered soul.
Ebbing and flowing, my emotions are changing. The darkness is no longer so menacing, tamed by prescription drugs, therapy and love. The light is more powerful and pervasive, my strength and self-confidence blossoming in the warmth of loved ones.
I thank  you for your supportive comments. I cherish your words of praise and encouragement. I am writing a memoir but it will remain a skeleton until my time is my own again. I am so grateful to those who have offered words of comfort and cheer. I hope my fight offers insight, fosters understanding and compassion for all who read it. I am delighted that I seem to be emerging from the storm. I don't know if it will rage again after Hyrum arrives, but if it does I will weather it one final time with courage and support from those around me.