pressure

Some would say that peer pressure can be good or bad. I disagree. Pressure to act in a way that is uncomfortable to you is, in my opinion, always bad. Pressure to conform or be like the group despite how you may feel about a situation seems false and dangerous. Everyone has a moral compass which points them in the right direction and following that direction yields self-confidence, and perhaps a quiet sense of self and usually points towards self-preservation. Why would you doubt that? An inborn sense of right and wrong or more specifically of what one should do is deeply personal and failing to follow that directive only results in disappointment, discomfort and discouragement. How you feel when you are true to yourself will always trump how you feel when you have succumbed to the will of others. I know as parents we sometimes employ "positive peer pressure" in helping to steer our children in the right direction. Surrounding them with people who we hope they will one day emulate. Now, I think there is a fine line between encouraging your child to become their very best self, fostering a feeling of integrity and forcing them to behave a certain way or risk isolation, alienation and loss. I fervently hope to encourage my children to nurture their own sense of what's best for them as an individual instead of encouraging them to look outside of themselves and judge their actions by what other people are doing. Whether influencing a person for good or bad, this influence, when encouraged can lead to self-doubt, disappointment, and a false sense of identity. Because what other people are doing will always change. You will never be able to keep up with the Jones' because there will always be something bigger and better to chase. I want my children to know themselves and I want to know myself as well. We as adults are not immune to the pressures of others. I strongly believe the path to changing behavior is paved with encouragement, support and love. We shouldn't try to force others into behaving a particular way, we should seek out people who enjoy the same things we enjoy and revel in our shared interests or respect our differences. Tonight I watched a movie that has received much praise but after watching it I am left feeling sweaty, uncomfortable, overstimulated and worn out. I wish I had used the last 2 hours of my life to do something that would leave me feeling refreshed and relaxed instead I trying to decompress from all the violence and intensity I just experienced. I watched it because other people had liked it and recommended it but I would like to harden my resolve to only watch and/or participate in activities that are actually appealing to me in and of themselves barring any recommendations or at least taking into consideration things I actually enjoy. I'm not saying no one should watch this movie and I'm not passing judgment on those who enjoyed it but I had a feeling I wouldn't like and decided to risk it in the hopes that I would be wrong. In the future, I hope to be more true to myself and use my limited amount of leisure time in activities that leave me feeling relaxed and refreshed.

settling in

Many changes have taken place in my life over the past few months and I'm happy to say I am finally settling in. We recently moved to Billings after living in Great Falls for 8 years. We were in the process of building a house in a lovely neighborhood when we found out we were expecting again. Quite unexpectedly! Facing the years ahead of having 3 babies under the age of 3, we knew something had to change. I've had life-threatening postpartum depression after each of my babies and anticipate it will be even worse this time around. So Tim & I decided to move our small family to Utah to be closer to the support & love of my parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles as well as our many friends who have migrated here over the years. We are now living in my parent's home in Kaysville and look forward to spending a lot of time with friends and family.

connections

I've been thinking about this post for a few days but haven't really gotten to flesh it out yet so sorry if it doesn't make much sense, "roughewn" right?

I believe humanity is recognizing yourself in others. Making a connection to someone else can be powerful, poignant, and honest. I connect with others through music, art, writing. I see myself reflected back or what I would like to be or become. I would like to be bold and self-assured like my sisters, kind like my husband, outgoing like my mom, eloquent like my brother, calm like my dad. I hear my song on another's lips, feel the beat of my heart in music and see myself in art; everything is filtered through self . Eyes watching, ears hearing, body moving. Striving to emulate good traits in others. Deep connections make us who we are. However, the opportunities for shallow connections abound in social media . Don't get me wrong, casual acquaintances are fun and necessary but I also need solid, real-life friends who can see me for who I am and really know me, My thoughts, aspirations, disappointments and dreams. I find these deep connections reassuring. I like to discuss ideas and opinions but with just a few true friends; too many and I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes our culture encourages us to collect friends like stamps, the more you have the better you are, popularity being a contest someone can win. I like to make friends who help me become myself, Who help me express myself not because of the money I will make or the acclaim I will receive but because I want to connect in real and meaningful ways to other human beings. sometimes I get caught up in wondering if I have good ideas or not, if my thoughts are worthy of a blog post or of being recorded in a book but I doubt that is what motivated Aristotle or Michelangelo or Einstein to do the things they did. Great minds do what they do for self expression and that's outside of prestige or recognition. They did what they did because it needed to be done that's why I want to write because I feel some things need to be said and I want to give others the opportunity to connect with me with my ideas, thoughts, feelings because that connection can be so meaningful and rewarding it's why we create; to say here am I, see me, are you like me? are you different?