things are getting blurry

The other night I was driving home in the dark and the rain. I don't like driving in the dark because pregnancy makes my eyesight all blurry so between the dark and the rain and my fuzzy eyesight, it was a white-knuckled drive for me. The reflection of the lights on the road made it impossible to see the lines so I didn't have a clear idea of where I should be. I tried to follow other cars but I wasn't going fast enough; tentatively feeling out where the lines might be. I was frantically trying to catch up with other drivers as they sped along seemingly unaffected by the driving conditions that were causing me so much stress. To divert my mind, I thought about how my situation reflects my perspective on life. I feel really good when I know exactly what to expect, when I can see the road for miles around, I know where I am going and how to get there. But at night my vision is limited and I have to trust that there aren't any roadblocks ahead. I often feel as if I am careening off cliffs and on the verge of encountering unseen dangers. Not sure why but I always expect the worst in unknown situations. I also really like knowing what's expected of me. When I have solid standards of conduct, and I can tell when I'm doing a good job. But my life isn't like that, it's all kind of blurry. Some days I feel like I'm a great wife and mother, like when I get the girls both bathed and ready for bed on time. But most days I'm not sure what to expect and my life is kind of hectic and messy. I guess there's a beauty to the mess but to me it just seems scary and out of control. I better get used to it though because with baby number #3 on the way, it's about to get a whole lot messier around here.