It counts

I went grocery shopping tonight by myself, it was luxurious. Only a mother of small children truly understands the exhilaration of going to the grocery store all alone after a long day of holding babies, wrestling toddlers, and chasing children. I was headed to the front of the store after gathering my list of groceries when I heard the telltale screaming of a toddler having a meltdown. I always feel a mixture of relief and empathy when I hear that sound, relief that it isn’t my child and I don’t have to deal with it but also deep empathy for the mother who is trying to hold it all together. Trying to meet the needs of others often while neglecting her own.

This particular mom had two older boys who were rough-housing and oblivious to their younger two siblings who were squabbling over who got to push the miniature cart around the store. She tried, she tried, and she tried. To convince the little girl that it was the baby’s turn to push the cart, to cajole the baby in her arms when the little girl pushed him out of the way, to carry the little girl when the baby demanded to be set down. She couldn’t win so, admitting defeat, she headed towards the exit. But her progeny must have missed the memo because the boys ran off ahead and the baby, who finally had the mini cart to himself was pleased as punch to just push it back and forth across the aisle backtracking through the store. Mom was trying to wrestle the now furious little girl out of the store and keep one eye on the rambunctious boys while trying to locate the wandering baby.

I pushed my cart up against a display of M&M cookies and walked over to the baby. “Hi baby, are you pushing a cart? That’s so fun! Can I help you?” I asked. I considered picking him up and carrying him over to his mom, offering to carry him to the car if he would allow it, but mom appeared and thanked me. I asked “Can I help you? Then, rephrased that to say “How can I help you?” She thanked me and said they were all tired and hungry and the store didn’t have the soup they wanted so they were just going to go home.” I smiled and told her I totally understand, I have three littles at home and I wished her good luck. But I wish I could have helped her more than I did.  I wish I could have provided some relief in her struggle to care for her brood. I hope my empathy was enough to empower her to get everyone home and fed and to bed.

I know there are things we as moms can do to avoid meltdowns, there are precautions we can take to make our jobs a little easier; a well-packed diaper bag, a timely visit to the grocery store, the internet is full of tricks and tactics and mommy hacks, but sometimes it just comes down to surviving the next five minutes. Just hanging on until something lets up, the baby stops crying, the boys stop fighting, dad gets home or, my personal favorite, it’s time for everyone to go to bed. So, to the mom at the grocery store and to all moms everywhere, I want to say it’s worth it, hang in there,  you are doing marvelous things. Your influence will be felt for generations and it counts, every thank you, every please, your every effort to improve humanity, it counts and it will keep on counting through eternity.