Status update

I can safely say I am no longer a depressed person. Anxiety still rears it's ugly head in my life, but I am learning to identify it and disarm it quickly. Plus I've attributed some of my heightened awareness to having 3 small children and all that that entails.
My kids are still coughing with what I hope is either allergies or just a harmless lingering symptom of their latest cold. I am trying a gluten-free diet for the next 30 days to test for gluten sensitivity. I'm a little ashamed to admit I've jumped on the gluten bandwagon. I used to just shake my head at this new trend; but I've done a lot of research and talked to a few people who are gluten-free and many of my present health concerns are outlined in gluten-intolerance information. So, I'll try it. I've been a vegan, a vegetarian, I've avoided dairy whenever possible, so why not try eliminating gluten right? (I just want to throw in a disclaimer here that I do eat, a lot! I just eat a lot of fruits, vegetables, meat and other whole grains, just not wheat.) And I still occasionally eat at McDonalds, don't judge, I know you eat there too.
I've also been more disciplined about getting daily exercise and sunshine. My vitamin D levels are low which can cause fatigue and depression, two things I am well acquainted with, and being out in the sun helps me feel alive and healthy verses feeling sick and tired when I lay on the couch in my robe.
There seems to always be a heaping pile of laundry on the floor in my room (it's usually clean, sometimes mixed, but a quick sniff is all it takes to sort it out). I love my husband and my kids and all my crazy relatives. I love the Lord and believe The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is His church. I sometimes wonder why God lets bad things happen and I often feel scared of the things that could go wrong in my own life. I'm trying to understand God and His plan for me.
Anxiety and depression can both make a person second-guess their thoughts, their spirituality and their judgment. I still struggle with separating mother's intuition, guidance from the Holy Ghost and just plain paranoia. Anxiety is often about control and the delusion that certain behaviors, or thoughts, can increase control over the environment and that other thoughts or behaviors decrease one's control over the environment. It's hard to draw the line around what is realistically in my control and what isn't in my control. Small children especially test these boundaries because often diligent supervision really does prevent negative events. My one year old is constantly putting things in his drooly, toothless mouth. And no matter how many times I go through the toys and sweep the floor and lecture my toddlers about leaving their small things out, he still manages to find small objects to put in his mouth. Sometimes I feel like giving up. I tell my husband that there's no way this baby will ever live to adulthood! But my heightened diligence will hopefully pay off and he won't choke on anything and he will live to be a happy, healthy adult. After that he's on his own!
My husband and I often fantasize about how independent our children will one day be; washing their own hands and faces, getting themselves bathed and dressed. I know there will be things about this phase of life that I will miss but I look forward to getting to know my kids as they discover themselves and develop more and more and to having more time to myself to explore my own talents and abilities.