I see you as
Genuine, confident and funny.
A constant in my life
Childhood, teenagers,
motherhood and more.
Strong and determined,
A tenacious fixer and doer
With a vision and a mission.
Understanding and encouraging
As a mother, a sister and a friend.
Proximity of perfection to pride
Focus exaggeration of self
Balancing between
Humility and confidence
I am good
I am bad
I am fulfilled
I am fallen
I belong
I strive for more
I am satiated
I yearn for more
I stretch and rest
In turns
I need more
I have enough
I want to belong
I want more
I am separate but equal
I am distinct
But the same
I am equal
But less
Restricted
Restrained
Seen but kept
Changing
But solid
Taken
Pushed out
Robbed
Removed
Dismissed
Stripped
Disassembled
Bit by bit
Title by title
Experience blotted out
With degrees and certificates.
Taken,
The practice of medicine
Taken,
The crafts of our hands.
Taken,
The sounds of our voices.
Taken,
The books from our shelves,
taken.
We are not inherently weak.
We have been destroyed,
Dismantled,
Piece by piece,
Forced behind,
A man,
All men.
We were once equal.
That's why they push so hard,
They argue so adamantly.
Because the reason we were pushed,
The reason we're suppressed
On every side,
Is
They remember,
They remember when we were equals.
Despite being scrubbed from history,
There are a few traces of our greatness,
Our innovation, creativity, imagination
Grit and tenacity,
Resolve and determination.
The records were gathered and burned,
The ashes scattered.
They hoped we would never find out,
But the knowledge of my greatness
Lives and breathes inside of me.
It awakens,
Sparks in recognition,
When I dig and discover
A woman like me,
Strong and smart and persistent.
When I read of her discoveries,
Her accomplishments,
Her struggle.
I see my struggle,
And I take heart.
For I am reading
Her story,
And I am writing
Mine.
When the West was won
How did those who stayed behind feel
Did they regret not moving Westward
Did they wish they had taken the opportunity
Did they rely too heavily on tomorrow,
on the future prospects of land in the West
Did they wait and hear reports,
read and study maps and articles and letters
Waiting for things to be certain
For assurance that it would be a better life
Did they wait too long
Were their expectations too high
Was that cowardly or smart
Did they regret the unknown?
The body keeps the score.
The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.
Better living through chemistry.
Sufferers from PTSD develop a chronic vigilance for and sensitivity to threat.
I soon discovered how excruciating it can be to face reality.
I saw the moon rise
A cool, blue haze
Giving way to an electric white
like lightning frozen in time
shockingly bright
throwing shadows
across the earth
I marvel at the moon,
how it receives the hot rays of the sun
And cools them to a startlingly blue
A stark reflection
illuminating the clouds and night sky
There is pain
There is sorrow
There is joy
There's no tomorrow
Lean into it
Then let it go
It isn't yours,
It's His.
You don't need to carry it
He already has
So has She.
